Brexit Musings (44) – Mister Johnson, I Presume?

We have just been traversing a terrifying jungle ridden with dangers and now come face to face with an unexpected creature who is just waiting to finish us off. He answers to the name, Mister Johnson.

Is it just possible that Mister Johnson represents the missing link between the rational and the irrational? Or am I insulting the irrational?


Johnson will probably become PM because the others are too “high” on cocaine.


Mister Johnson mistakes oppressed Muslim women for letter boxes, compares black people to “pickaninnies,” and thinks that the whole of Europe depends upon Italians being able to export Prosecco in order to become a Hitlerite superstate. His foreign policy consists of dreaming about building Lego bridges to surmount the insurmountable, bridge the unbridgeable, and defend the undefendable. He is just not fit to be prime minister but probably will be due to the fact that most of the other contenders are too “high” on cocaine.

In these tumultuous times, Johnson can be the bridge that will unite the great nations of the United Kingdom and will make sure we make the most of the opportunities of leaving the European Union. – Alun Cairnes (Secretary of State for Wales)

Wise words indeed, from the representative of a country that will have received £2bn in EU subsidies between 2014 and 2020.

Is it just possible that this Mister Johnson will become the next leader of the Conservative party and the prime minister who gets the UK the hell out of Europe without paying a dime?

I have a sense of real personal responsibility since I helped to deliver the outcome of that referendum…

I will be giving personal direction to the negotiation.

Mister Johnson is right. He should feel responsible for a decision that was based on lies. I would have had no problem with the outcome of the referendum if it had been a vote based on facts, not untruthful slogans on the side of a bus, and if all those concerned had the opportunity to vote. It turned out that we got neither.

The problem that all of us connected to Brexit in some way or other have, is not whether Boris Johnson will become prime minister, but whether we can all live with him as prime minister. Mister Johnson is the only leadership candidate who is incompetent enough to drive Brexit into a deeper chaos than it already finds itself in. Having decided to take control of the negotiations if he is elected, he will undoubtedly use his numerous skills to squeeze all he can out of the European Union. He is not afraid to offend even the mightiest as he proved in Beijing for the Olympic Games, where he stated that ping-pong was, “invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century. It was. And it was called wiff waff.” Surely, if you can insult the Chinese, the sky’s the limit concerning what you can do to the Europeans.

Mister Johnson doesn’t beat about the bush and never even waffles. He gets straight to the point as quickly as he can, and there are no two ways about how to carry out negotiations that will determine the plight of a united kingdom for decades to come. For Mister Johnson, Brexit means “baloney” or “nonsense”. He has his very own personal opinion, which is his, comprising the fact that there is no better political party to carry out this baloney than his own under his leadership. They are the perfect match: a “nonsense” project carried out by a “balderdash” party. It represents the very best of British carried out by an Etonian clique. And let’s keep it that way…British. None of this Continental intellectual and compassionate trash.

Brexit, grammar schools and Eton go so well together, like egg and bacon. “Yummie in my tummy”, I say.