The short interview given by David Davis to the BBC’s “Today” programme and his piece in The Sunday Times, really got me riveting with laughter. It’s not often in the last year that I have had something to laugh about concerning Brexit. The following three quotes may, on their own, make the whole Brexit saga worth while – just for a laugh.
Quote Number One:
Had we triggered Article 50 after the referendum, we wouldn’t have had a plan.
Let’s focus on the word “plan” here. I’m afraid that our dear old David and “yours truly” have two different notions about what the word “plan” actually means.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines the word “plan” as:
- A drawing or diagram drawn on a plane: such as – a : a top or horizontal view of an object or b : a large-scale map of a small area
- A method for achieving an end
- A customary method of doing something
- An orderly arrangement of parts of an overall design or objective
- A detailed program
If you consider that a plan is “a large-scale map of a small area,” then David Davis is probably right in saying that he does have a plan. The importance of the UK in the world has indeed been scaled-up, to put it mildly. In fact it has been blown out of proportion by the Brexiteers, who really do think that the UK can go it alone and needs no help.
The second definition could also apply because Brexit has allowed Theresa May to polish her ego as well as the knives and forks at number 10.
Of course, what David Davis really means by “plan” is an orderly arranged objective and a detailed program – which is why he turned up in Brussels the other day without pen and paper.
There are only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan. – Groucho Marx
Quote Number Two:
In negotiations you do have ambiguity from time to time.
David Davis is practically admitting that he doesn’t have a clue about what he is doing. Maybe he doesn’t realize that there’s no point in having trade talks if no EU citizens can stay in your flipping country…I mean, who would buy Camembert cheese in the UK apart from French citizens, and who would buy Marmite in the Netherlands apart from “yours truly”? … So my old duffer: CITIZENS’ RIGHTS FIRST.
But if you really want to know what ambiguity looks likes, try this for size:
I shot an elephant in my pajamas… how he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know? – Groucho Marx
For the Brexit negotiations, the rules are quite easy: just do as the EU says or you get nothing.
Quote Number Three:
In the coming days we will demonstrate our thinking even further, with five new papers – all part of our work to drive the talks forward, and make sure we can show beyond doubt that we have made sufficient progress on withdrawal issues by October so that we can move on to discuss our future relationship.
Now DD, I hope you used double-sided paper because 5 papers seems to be a bit on the thin side for taking back 80.000 pages of EU regulations. According to the FT, the UK is nowhere near ready and will have to keep a hatful of European agencies after 2019, as well as 19,000 EU rules. It’s a bit of a botch-up job, if you ask me, with officials quoted as saying, “We simply don’t have the expertise in some areas and wouldn’t have the time to start-up new agencies from scratch.” Unless, of course, concerning transport you want to go back to the swinging 70’s where the only “F word” was “Flower Power” and not “Federalism” of a European nature. Remember the Austin Allegro, whose psychedelic steering wheel hadn’t decided if it was going to be circular or rectangular, and ended up being neither? No more silly EU regulations – the UK can dream of making UK cars designed to run on UK roads.
The steering wheel of the afore-mentioned Austin Allegro does not conform to EU regulation CE18/963, 63/789, and 32/45. CE1563 certificate clearly states that conformity to the above mentioned regulations is a prerequisite for vehicle use on all roads in the European Union.
But the British drive on the wrong side of the road anyway, so EU regulations are probably not that important. Why not just enjoy life…outside the EU.