Brexit Musings (25) – “You Asked M’Lord?”


I’ve finally understood what the British people wanted, when they voted in the 2016 EU referendum to part company with those scoundrels in Brussels.

This is where they wanted to be, on March 30th, 2019:

Why didn’t anybody tell us that the UK just wanted to go back in time, to 1973? We could all have put our clocks back, and the Brexit conundrum would have been solved immediately.


Now, those were the days…When you adults could all drive smugly in a brand new Austin Allegro whose steering wheel hadn’t decided whether to be square-shaped or round, and ended up being neither. When England couldn’t qualify for a World Cup, and I was struggling with O-levels…Remember those?

Actually, I’m being a little bit unfair, because the renowned Austin Allegro went into production the very same year that the UK joined the Common Market. But you know what I mean.

And how we have missed a strong-minded, no-nonsense PM to guide us through the day, and comfort us at night. Harold Wilson was just the man – devaluing the “pound that wasn’t in your pocket, but ended up there,” by 14%, and assuring us that,

It does not mean that the pound here in Britain, in your pocket or purse or in your bank, has been devalued.

Sorry, Harold, you’ve lost me there.


The UK wants to go back to 1973, but times don’t change, really. Politicians still talk “bollocks”, and really mean, “bollocks”.

The UK is leaving the EU but,

It does not mean that we are leaving Europe.

Present-day UK politicians are not aware that if my good friend Jean-Claude Juncker has his way, the EU will be Europe, in the not too distant future. Or maybe, they are aware of federalism, which is why they made such a hash of the Remain campaign. And to think that some people want a second referendum. The UK couldn’t even organize the first referendum properly, yet alone a second one. It’s time to stick to parliamentary democracy, till EU do us part, or seek advice and counselling from the Swiss.

A properly organised referendum


Of course, it all started with a simple question that nobody could understand, and that half of us understood only too well, but had no permission to answer. Believe it or not, downloading a copy of the ballot paper is the closest I’ve come to being able to vote in the EU referendum, a vote that still has the potential to screw up my life, by unrecognizing the validity of my professional diploma in the EU. And people want a second referendum so that I don’t get the chance to vote a second time? Not on your Nelly. Trouble is, though, for a second referendum, you can’t change the rules by franchising the disenfranchised, like Yours Truly, and enlightening the ignorant over EU philosophy – can you? No, because that’s not democracy – that’s re-writing the rule book with an ulterior political motive, that is indubitably clear to one and all.



Would you believe it, on the ballot paper it says you can vote only once. So what are the Remainers going on about a second referendum, when they knew only too well that there was just one vote?

Of course, the big question that ordinary working class people, who only shower once a week, and have gum disease by the time they’re 20, is,

What is the European Union?

According to Google trends, thousands of UK voters were uncertain what the EU was before voting, and not quite sure what the UK had left, after they walked out of the voting booth.


As for the day after, the night before,


The first young man was too drunk when he voted, and didn’t realize that he had changed the course of UK history.

The second Leave voter in the clip had, in fact, been told by his wife and two kids not “vote out”, but to “get out” of the house for good, having come home drunk for the umpteenth time.

But what about the Remainers?

The young girl, desperately disappointed because the UK isn’t big enough to go it alone? Don’t worry, love, when you’re having a party and enjoying yourself, I assure you that size doesn’t matter.

And the lady’s absolutely right, racism is terrible, especially when it’s directed against foreigners.

As for the sweet lady who wants homegrown pineapples from North Cumbria and oranges from Tyneside, if the UK doesn’t respect EU policies on the environment after Brexit, maybe her wish will be fulfilled. But is she really serious about home-made produce? I spent a few days in Norfolk, a few years ago, and was treated to mushy peas, soggy chips and undercooked beans. A gentle reminder of why I left, in 1984.

But once Brexit has happened, this particular lady will be able to get rid of her IKEA modular sofa interior design set, and replace it with a Chesterfield sofa and oak coffee table, made in Britain. Delivery time (estimated): 1.5 years.

Yes, she really is back in Britain. Time to open the bicycle shed and get out her secretly hidden Austin Allegro, and paint the town red. British red and not EU blue. No more EU regulations – the UK can dream of making UK cars designed to run on UK roads.

The steering wheel of the afore-mentioned Austin Allegro does not conform to EU regulation CE18/963, 63/789, and 32/45. CE1563 certificate clearly states that conformity to the above mentioned regulations is a prerequisite for vehicle use on all roads in the European Union.


Of course, the big trouble is that the UK is no good at holding a referendum. For starters, not letting long-term Brexpats the vote, was a big mistake. We may have forgotten how it feels to drive on the left, but we could certainly have made the referendum result much closer. Just look at the Gibraltar vote,

Note – the two families who voted Brexit have left to return to the UK

When it comes to holding a referendum, the Swiss are world champions. Over the last 50 years they have had 400 referendums that were nationally binding and not advisory. They should know what works and what doesn’t.

Learning from the Swiss could have guided the government on its course of action the day after the EU referendum. In 2014, the Swiss voted to limit migration from EU member states, seriously jeopardizing their trade relationship with Brussels. The Swiss government decided to ignore the referendum result, because the consequences of the vote were misjudged. A courageous decision that could have inspired the UK government to act otherwise, especially as the EU referendum was advisory and not mandatory.

But maybe I’m being to harsh on the UK for having used a democratic tool that goes where no other tool as gone before – to the people. Maybe it’s time we got used to doing this more often, to get the hang of things, and be more like the Swiss. I’m sure we’ll get it right, in the end, because let’s face it, if there had been such a referendum in British India all those years ago, a couple of million lives might have been spared.