The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Outside World


Little did we know that being enclosed within the confines of our kitchens and living rooms, we would miss a wonderful world out there. Don’t you just?

My thoughts go out to those in complete lockdown. As for the rest of us who still manage to get out and about, beware – our time could come.


In the meantime, just enjoy thinking about what the outside world really means to YOU...




Outside World – 2021 – A Hitchhiker’s Guide

Re-opening subject to governmental approval




The City Centre (Amsterdam)

Enjoy the kilometers of overcrowded, concrete streets denuded of healthy trees where, as with bumper cars at a fun fair, you bounce off complete strangers who either ignore you, or insult you for not walking fast enough. You’ll have plenty of time to admire the dust-covered architecture, if you’re tall enough.





Travelling underground (London and Paris)

Why not board the roller coaster commuter trains, swinging from right to left, and left to right, accelerating through the derelict suburbs of our overpopulated cities. You hardly have time to regain your senses, that another attraction awaits you, another emotional challenge – getting through the never-ending corridors, in search of the electronic turnstiles.






The Ring (Rotterdam)

Another popular attraction of the outside world is the congested ring road, where you can stand still for hours, listening to your favourite FM radio station. Do eat before you embark because, once on the ring road, you just don’t know how long the ride will last.




French zebra crossings

For the more daring adult, the French zebra crossing is not to be missed. Impress your friends by getting to the other side in one piece. But beware, danger can come from the left or from the right.







If you feel peckish, that’s not a problem. Why not try one of the outside world’s many fast food restaurants, where the service is so quick, you will have digested the food well before you have eaten it. 






Shopping centres 

The outside is a world full of temptations, where you can walk into a shop of your choice, and buy something you never thought you needed. Especially for the ladies.






Welcome to the world of IKEA. One of the outside world’s favourite attractions. IKEA is a maze full of unwanted furniture, that is simply…amazing!

Use your powers of observation to find the short cuts that will enable you to get from the entrance to the tills before night falls.

The trick is to get out alive without having actually bought anything. Easier said than done.







Dirty playing areas and parks 

Worried that the kids will feel bored? No problem – there really is something for everyone. Children can play in parks carefully looked after by professional stray dogs, whilst the parents relax on benches painted by pigeons. Just take time to relax. To appreciate the true nature of the city’s pollution, just cough, take a deep breath, and cough again. What’s more, the scent of the unforgettable experience of the outside world will linger on in your clothes and hair, long after you have returned home.





On the subject of hair, your day out would not be complete if you do not visit one of the many professional hair dressers who will give you a short back and sides before you can say Vidal Sassoon.




It’s A Wonderful, Wonderful, (Outside) World. Yes, the real world does have something for everyone. So, don’t wait inside once the outside world is reopened. You never know when the world you love so much, goes viral again.